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how things change..

i was browsing thru some stuff in my pc. i made the mistake of deleting my blog the last time. okay la it wasn't all crappola i'd spewn the last time. there were some interesting reads. there was however a period where i used to write my drafts on notepad before posting. so there were some entries that survived the short period of madness. this particular entry was written on the 10th of January 2005. they say its a sign that ur really scraping the bottom of the idea barrel when u start reposting ur old blog entries ni. but humor me for a bit la.
of wishing wells and broken dreams..

there is someone for everyone. it is written. destined even. that man shall be made to wander the earth searching for their intended. it may be a rough journey, it may even be as easy as knocking on ur next door neighbors front door. but in the end we are comforted by this fact.

are we?

do we just rely on fate? i'm not questioning anything. no far from it. i've resigned myself to fate so often in my life its not even funny. u do try to change things. make ur own way and all. trying to change what life throws at u. but in the end its just not worth it. so u accept it. and make do. and hope that this curve ball is the last strike u make before hitting that home run outside of the park.

so u wonder how/why it all turned out like it did. well maybe there was just not enough spark in it to light up a dark room. maybe its just a question of mistakes and too much optimism. if u talk about the maybes things will never end.

then u think of the future. what does it hold? u feel that there is light at the end of that tunnel. its an oncoming train but hey the realization is just too late. u get crushed. heart broken and alone. hoping that someone out there has that special glue to mend it all. someone that knows how to appreciate the gift of love. yes, it is a gift. a gift that should be given freely and without force. a gift that grows with everyday and with time will nurture all around it.

but till that time comes, its just u here. all alone. wishing everyone a safe journey into the unknown. a journey of discovery, of hope and desire. hoping that they don't make the mistakes that u did. wearing ur heart on ur sleeve.

so it goes. u throw another coin into the well. watches as it falls deeper into the dark. its as if ur holding a candle for the rest of your life. hoping that someone sees the flicker and realizes its u they were looking for, all of their lives.
this was during a time where there were a lot of uncertainties. i've lost the will to fight that losing battle and things looked bleak. i mean it really was a crappy time for me. even crappy is putting it very mildly.

if u were to ask me then, how'd i'd foresee my life turning out, i'd probably will tell you to go dry hump a willow tree - whatever that means la. i dunno. it wasn't as if i had a deep mistrust towards women that i was contemplating turning gay. or i'd consider living the life of an international playboy, using women for fun without ever committing myself to another serious relationship ever again. its just u can't really predict what would happen next given what that had happen in the past.

tell me, how la would one even consider being in another relationship, when u just got out of a long one - one that u thought was it. the ultimate one. the only one that u ever will be in. till death do us part kinda thing. a relationship where everything seemed perfect. u know each other inside and out. u trusted her enough for her to just throw everything away in an instant.

what hope is there, for u to ever recover? how long would it take for u to forget and move on?

hmmm.. not that long apparently.

all it takes is the right person to come along to blow all preconceptions, misconceptions and what ever preset judgment u may have out of the water. and i guess u need to seize that opportunity when it comes. coz a chance like this don't come often.

rugi laa kalau tak mau amik peluang..
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